I’m doing something new here. The few times I’ve written something for this blog I’ve sat down with an idea, typed, backspaced, typed, saved, etc. Eventually, I had something formed enough that I felt OK posting it and I would log in, paste it into the New Post window, and poke the Publish button.
Today is different.
Today I am opening the New Post window and just typing. Clocking out of work, leaving all the other projects aside, and just typing.
I was asked by a friend today about a time I took a week off of work and sought solitude. In recounting what I did and what I got from it I was reminded that there were a couple of years where I took a large chunk of time and sought God alone. I’ve not done that for a few years now.
Sure, I try to commune with God each day, but the way I’m wired it seems there’s always a handful of things encroaching on our time together. Buzzing coming from right outside the prayer closet. Big pests, noisily clamoring right outside the door.
Even something like writing; I like writing and wish to do more of it. But when the time comes that I’m not working on project X, project Y is there on the task list waiting (and usually overdue). So I sit down to write, and instead start working on finishing up the minute from the last meeting, or realizing that I have to update the church website, or I really need to get back to brother so-and-so about his question, and, by the way, I never did give whatshisname a call to see how he’s doing…
And eventually, I just sit down and realize my mind is just slowly grinding to a halt. Yesterday I struggled over and over to call to mind words that are in my regular vocabulary. Today, I looked at a simple question and needed to write a SQL query and couldn’t process the basic logic required.
In the prayer time, we always have before the messages at our Sunday morning church services I always get anxious when it’s my turn to preach. I feel the weight of the job I’m about to do. I second-guess the topic. I internally debate whether I let God lead my thoughts and direction or barged ahead in my own direction. It’s always a time of anxiety, stress, and doubt, that I face fervently with prayer. This Sunday was different. Yes, the pangs of stress and concern were there, but deeper cutting was the emotional exhaustion and fighting off tears.
And today, as I think about those refreshing times of being alone with God in years past I start to realize, God’s been getting just one more time slot on my calendar.
It’s time to get alone with God.